so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
