How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
