i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize