Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
