We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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