the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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