i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I love having hate sex.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
