ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
