So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize