i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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