Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
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