U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
