No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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