So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
