His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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