Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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