omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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