the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
