Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
