I will die if light touches me.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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