His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
