I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
