can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
