scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
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