he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
