I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
