Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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