Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize