I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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