I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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