This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
