No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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