he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
