I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
