I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
