Your dad touched me again.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
pray to the hookup gods
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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