she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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