We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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