apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
