What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize