Ambien. No doubt about it.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
