My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
