I wish I could punch you in the face.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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