Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize