Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize