And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
