I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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