remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
