Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
