dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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