I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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