I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
