Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
