HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
