I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
