I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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