I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
