i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize