woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
