so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
