Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
