Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You smell like stripper and shame
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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