Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
