just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just found puke in my bra..
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
