Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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