I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
