thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
