Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
