just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
he puts the penis in happiness.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
