I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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