so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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