Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Randomize
