Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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