3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Randomize
