you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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