I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
This house was built for laser tag.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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