At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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