My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
