The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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