I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
