he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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