In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
