Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
