My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize