Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
