I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
