so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
