She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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