This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
