I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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