Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
