if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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