No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I checked into jail on foursquare
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
