I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
